Craig smith

Hi everybody. Craig here. I want to write some of my thoughts down because i want to basically.

I am fighting the urge to gamble until christmas time but it is difficult. 

I am also torn between 2 lives. The one my family would like me to live and the one i want to live.

I have been reading alot and watching alot about vietnam to escape. The war is escapasism for me.

I am trying to maintain commenting on players wins in casinogrounds but my mind is elsewhare.

Part of me would like to be a golfer again but circumstances play a massive part in trying to make that happen. There are so many obstacles and problems to try and overcome to become a regular golfer again.

Gambling provides such an escape and gives tremendous focus. Part of me wants to be in that world and i wish i had done it years ago. Now as sore as it is to say this i need help in getting into it.  I no what to do but i do not think i have the courage to do it.

The years tick by and age becomes a factor. At 40 i dont no what to do so i just go along day to day hoping for a miracle. My health is a blockade and managing it is hard.

At times i think im a unique case and i am just one of those people who slipped through the net in that i will suffer and suffer with so much potential and it will be to late before i attempt something. 

In my mind i think i may be one of those tradgic cases in life. I may think into it to much but my mind works in mysterious ways. 

I am one of the most pleasant people anybody could meet. I just wish people that do no me or get to no me actually listen to the depth of my pain. And maybe something will happen that i have not seen yet and i can rise up and start again.

But when. ?

Craig smith.