Hi mate,
First of all my condoleances with your father. My dad also died of cancer about a year ago and it really sucks.
Gambling should always be fun and when the fun stops its time to stop gambling.
I think you should seek professional help, maybe even tonight.
https://www.begambleaware.org/self-exclusion https://ibpf.org/resource/suicide-hotline-croatia/
Your problems CAN be solved!