Bitter Review - Emoji planet

[Meowcat90]

Emoji planet

Emojiplanet is a fairly new slot from one of the most prolific slot providers, NetEnt. It is a “falling” slot machine that on the surface looks a lot like a Play’n GO machine. However, if you look more in depth you’ll find… No, it’s a Play’n GO machine, but with NetEnt interface. Imagine that someone played Viking Runecraft and thought “This is way too scary”, then played Gemix and thought “But how can this be marketed even more towards small children?”.

Looks, symbols and stuff

Emoji planet is, as it’s name indicate, based on popular emojis. It is most likely the first in a trilogy of slots, soon to be followed by the slots Memeworld and Whatever marketing indicated would sell globe. The symbols of the slots are “Crying laughface”, “Smiling alien”, “Slutty lipstick marks”, “Flying rocket” (possibly to escape Emoji Planet), “Big blue heart stalking smaller blue heart”, “Bomb about to explode” (possibly to blow up… you know), “Wild star” and, as the perfect analogy for this slot, “Shiny smiling turd”. Shiny Smiling Turd starts of with an introduction video showing us a dead smiley with wings ascending to heaven. Parallels can be drawn between this slot and the two first parts of Dante’s Divine Comedy, as the smiley ascends past some horrific imagery. However, where Dante gave us the beauty of Paradiso as a conclusion, NetEnt sends us straight back down to Inferno, where our game takes place.  

Mechanics

Like in similar games, you win by matching 5 bordering symbols. If you match non-premium symbols, you fill up their power meter. If you’ve filled up one or more power meters by the time the spin has ended, special features activate. These features includes multipliers, added wilds, blown up symbols, added winning symbols, and possibly some other random stuff I have forgotten. These features can pile up, and can in theory keep a spin going for a long time. Unfortunately, the chances of it resulting in anything worthy of YouTube, or even a little smile, are very, very slim (as this is being written, I have yet to find any big wins on this slot on YT).

Starring

To remind you that you are in fact playing a NetEnt game, we also get some surprise visitors. Gonzo sticks his head out on the screen, to remind you that the chances of him giving a bonus on Gonzo’s Quest are so slim that he can in fact spend most of his time watching other games. Also, the pig astronaut from When Pigs Fly makes an appearance, to remind you that NetEnt has made pretty pointless games before (though nothing quite at this level).

Small sample size results + Medical advice

I decided to play either 1000x spins or 100xbet (whichever happened first) on this slot. Unfortunately the  game wouldn’t let me lose quite enough, and made me play out the entire 1000 spins. During these spins I lost about 50 bets, leaving me with an RTP of about 95%. This is a quite alright results, and fairly close to the reported RTP of 96%, but I do wish they would show me mercy by giving me slightly less wins and a lot more peace of mind. My biggest win was a 98x, with a handful of 20-50x to go along with it. I have heard from certain sources that this slot has potential to pay thousands of times your bet. However, renowned psychiatrists have released papers indicating that most human minds can’t handle the mental degeneration such a task would inevitably lead to, and recommend you play some BoD or Novomatics instead.

Verdict + More medical advice

I would like to recommend this game as a wagering game, but only if you have the option to leave the room while the auto plays run out. Also, and this is very important, do not under any circumstances play this game for more than 5 minutes with the sound on. I believe that what was hidden in the Ark of the Covenant in Raiders of the Lost Ark, was in fact the sheet music for this monstrosity.

Handle with care, avert your ears and eyes, and enjoy playing Emoji planet!

 

Do you got any wishes for a bitter review, or possibly you just wish to tell me to shut the F up? Leave a comment.   

 

 

[Skylined87]

@Meowcat90 hahaha! I enjoyed reading this review. At first I thought - oh no, another spammer joined up, wheres the link?  But as I scrolled further down I saw this is mocking of the NetEnt's new slot and it's well deserved. Slots like these should be banned from ever seeing the light of online casinos, but unfortunately there's tons of people spamming emojis and will find this slot appealing. I would love to see more of this fun reviews, so if you have any, feel free to post them  

[NudgeShuffle]

Yeah funny review mate. Would definitely read more but don't be overly critical just for the sake of it...bash where bashing is required only which still gives you an incredible amount of options :-)

[Meowcat90]

Thank you, guys. I have a lot of free time on my hands the coming weeks, so hoping to work on my English writing skills through this.

Part of the idea of Bitter Reviews is to be very subjective and very unfair (hence the "Bitter"). For more objective and factual reviews, I trust Reggie to deliver, but he is such a gentle, kind soul. <3. 

It was possibly a bit of a cop-out to start with such an abomination of a game, where finding faults is like <insert something much easier than shooting fish in a barrel>. It's hard to keep focus and keep things short about a slot that assault the senses in so many ways. If continuing, my goal in the long run will be to take on beloved games like Book of Dead, Flame Busters, some BTG games, etc, which will no doubt be a much harder challenge; partly because they are fairly well made games, partly because they are fairly simplistic games. Therefore, I'll probably warm up by doing "overly produced", multi-feature, low variance slots, which unfortunately leans heavily towards newer NetEnt (What happened guys? You used to be cool!), and possibly some Quickspin and Yggrdrasil. I will no doubt make at least one more soon, and see from there whether anyone wants more.

Meow.

[Tobias]

Hey Meowcat90,

Thanks for taking your time to post a high quality review like this, with a somewhat sarcastic twist. It was great fun to read, all though I dont 100% agree with you on some areas.

I do like to randomly reward high quality posts on Casinogrounds.com - So if you are interested in something extra from LeoVegas please send me a PM with you email and I will sort something for you

Have a great week!

Tobias

[LetsGiveItASpin]

Haha, gave me a good laugh! Maybe we should ask @superregito just copy this review so that he doesn't have to write one himself  

[NudgeShuffle]

19 hours ago, Meowcat90 said:

Thank you, guys. I have a lot of free time on my hands the coming weeks, so hoping to work on my English writing skills through this.

Part of the idea of Bitter Reviews is to be very subjective and very unfair (hence the "Bitter"). For more objective and factual reviews, I trust Reggie to deliver, but he is such a gentle, kind soul. <3. 

It was possibly a bit of a cop-out to start with such an abomination of a game, where finding faults is like <insert something much easier than shooting fish in a barrel>. It's hard to keep focus and keep things short about a slot that assault the senses in so many ways. If continuing, my goal in the long run will be to take on beloved games like Book of Dead, Flame Busters, some BTG games, etc, which will no doubt be a much harder challenge; partly because they are fairly well made games, partly because they are fairly simplistic games. Therefore, I'll probably warm up by doing "overly produced", multi-feature, low variance slots, which unfortunately leans heavily towards newer NetEnt (What happened guys? You used to be cool!), and possibly some Quickspin and Yggrdrasil. I will no doubt make at least one more soon, and see from there whether anyone wants more.

Meow.

Well seeing as good slots will also be getting the bitter treatment I look forward to the book of dead review.....a game I find teadiously boring :-)