Thank you for sharing your story. I'm glad you're willing to tell us.
I don't know what country your in and I don't know your current financial status, but by your message I'm sure that once you've found a solution to permanently block gambling you will be the old you in no time. Stay positive and stay safe
If you ever need someone to talk with, perhaps about other things than gambling to bring some distraction, please feel free to shoot me a private message any time.